There is something deeply vulnerable about starting your first business. You can have years of education, extensive professional experience, oodles of life experience, along with a good dose of wisdom, leadership ability, intuition, creativity, and real-world knowledge… and still find yourself staring at social media thinking:

“Maybe I’m not enough.”
“Maybe I need another certification.”
“Maybe I should sound more like them.”
“Maybe I need a better niche, a more polished brand, a better strategy…”

Before you know it, comparison steals the very thing that makes your work powerful: you.

The creative, intelligent, hard working people I support in my work sometimes abandoned their own dreams and visions long ago. Someone (or many someones) told them they couldn’t do it, or knocked the wind from under their wings. Some of the most successful people I have worked with over the years spent too much time trying to fit in, perform professionalism, or imitate what they believed success was supposed to look like before they finally gave themselves permission to simply be themselves.

If you can relate, my gentle reminder is that people are not searching for a perfectly curated business robot with flawless lighting, color-coded branding, and a dozen matching Stanley mugs on Instagram. Most people are looking for someone who feels real. Someone grounded and supportive. Someone with experience whose words feel human, thoughtful, honest, and alive.

I have had the honor of supporting countless talented people who already had wisdom, creativity, warmth, humor, insight, and skill long before they hired me as their coach, long before they started a business, and long before they launched a website or service. What they often needed was not a completely different personality or brand identity, but support learning how to trust themselves, learn techniques, refine their ideas, launch in an authentic, organized and focused way, strengthen their confidence, and develop their voice without abandoning it in the process.

Good mentoring, consultation, and coaching should never turn someone into a replica of another professional. The healthiest guidance helps people become more fully themselves — more clear, more grounded, more confident, and more intentional in how they show up. Most people seeking a business coach or consultant are looking for someone who is experienced, knowledgeable, supportive, trustworthy, grounded, thoughtful, skilled, human, ethical, and real.

Ironically, the more people try to sound polished, impressive, or “marketable,” the more disconnected they sometimes become from the very qualities that make others feel safe, connected, and drawn to them in the first place.

Your Creative Gifts Matter
Hey you reading this! Yes, you: Your lived experience matters. Your story matters. Your way of explaining things matters. Oh, and let’s not forget about your warmth, your humor, your insight, your perspective, your nervous system, your creativity, your goofiness, your resilience, your years of trial and error — all of it matters.

There is room for people who are polished and structured
There is room for people who are deeply intuitive and relational
There is room for people who teach with science
There is room for people who teach with stories
There is room for quiet leaders
There is room for bold leaders
There is room for quirky, creative, neurodivergent, thoughtful and diverse humans who do not fit neatly into a business template someone sold them for $2,997 on a webinar.

Please hear this: You do not need to force yourself into someone else’s business model to build meaningful work.

Comparison Can Become a Trauma Response
One of the most damaging things new business owners do is fall into chronic self-comparison or unhealthy competition:

• They overconsume content, constantly scrolling, comparing, studying, saving, screenshotting, and taking in so much information that they become creatively flooded and disconnected from their own instincts and original voice.

• They overanalyze, picking apart every idea, interaction, and business move until clarity becomes tangled in self-doubt, fear of judgment, and the pressure to “get it right.”

• They over research, endlessly looking for the perfect strategy, branding formula, niche, course, mentor, or answer before allowing themselves to move forward, create, launch, or trust their own wisdom.

• They overthink every post, offer, sentence, logo, color palette, or business decision.

• They hear about a successful colleague or friend, and are unaware of the seed of jealous competition that begins to sprout a weed of envy.

Look, I agree 100% that research, learning and organization absolutely matter. Preparation is important! That said, there is a difference between thoughtful preparation and fear-based paralysis. Sometimes overthinking is not wisdom, sometimes it is self-protection. Other times it is the nervous system trying to avoid visibility, rejection, criticism, failure, success, or uncertainty.

If you grew up in an environment where your words, opinions, feelings or presence were not supported, encouraged or valued (like many of us did), that can understandably color one’s confidence when starting a new business.

Yet, I have worked with hundreds of professionals - therapists and non-therapists alike - who have fantastic ideas, professional experience, mind blowing creativity, unique and marketable skills. Despite this, they may show up at the start of our work together and…

Minimize their ideas
Minimize their creativity
Minimize their instincts
Minimize their voice

Or push the pause button continuously, waiting to feel “ready.” Meanwhile, someone with half the experience, few to no skills, and a Canva account launched yesterday.

At some point, you must lovingly interrupt your own fear. One of way doing this is reminding yourself that successful businesses are not built through perfection. They are built through integrity, practice, focus, organization, movement, consistency, relationships, creativity, courage, and yes…learning as you go.

So…keep it moving!

Build a Business That Reflects You - Not Just Industry Trends

One of the biggest mistakes new business owners make is trying to become everything to everyone.

In the beginning, it can feel tempting to say yes to every opportunity, every potential client, every niche, every trend, and every business strategy you see online.

But sustainable, ethical, fulfilling businesses are usually built through clarity, not chaos. “But Mari, I need clients now! I have to say yes to everyone!”

My compassionate but firm response: “If you say yes to everyone, eventually you start saying no to your energy, your boundaries, your creativity, your sense of joy, and eventually, the very business you’re trying to build that is draining you dry.”

My encouragement is that before you start focusing on branding, social media aesthetics, or scaling, focus on building a solid legal, ethical, and professional foundation.

Ask yourself:

What services or products am I actually trained in and competent to provide?
What are my ethical responsibilities?
What motivates me? Is it: creating? supporting? learning? making money?
What contracts, documents, policies, and boundaries do I need?
Are my services and products up to par or am I cutting corners?
Am I loyal to my loyal clients and customers as I grow?
What is within my scope of practice and professional experience?
Who do I need to refer out?
How will I manage client expectations?
Am I consistent?
How do I respond or react if a client or customer is rattled? Defensively or supportively?

A strong foundation, one that is legally and ethically sound may not be the most exciting or sexy part of business ownership, but it is who you are, how the public sees you, and it creates safety and solidity — for both you and your clients.

It is also important to become very clear about who your ideal client is. Not every client is your client. And that is not rejection, that is discernment. Please take a moment now, give yourself a mindful pause, and reflect on these questions:

1. Who do you genuinely enjoy working with?

2. Who benefits most from your style?

3. What problems are you best equipped to help solve?

4. What experience do you bring?

5. Why would someone hire you?

6. What populations energize you rather than completely drain your soul by Thursday afternoon?

Trying to work with everyone often leads to burnout, confusion, resentment, poor boundaries, and diluted messaging. Conversely, clarity creates confidence.

Step Out of Herd Mentality — and Out of Perpetual Student Mode

There is a great deal of pressure in business culture to follow the crowd. Suddenly everyone is using the same language or…

Selling the same offer
Following the same formula
Using the same marketing tactics
Repeating the same buzzwords

Ho hum. Half the internet now sounds like the same business coach or consultant wearing slightly different masks. However, and this is important: herd mentality often disconnects people from authenticity. You do not need to copy the loudest or most famous person online to create meaningful success.

Additionally, sometimes herd mentality shows up in a more subtle way: perpetual student mode.

Some people stay emotionally safe by remaining forever in classrooms, retreats, certification programs, masterminds, consultation groups, business groups, and endless workshops — always learning, always preparing, always discussing ideas…but never fully stepping into their own leadership, voice, business, or creative identity.

A colleague recently shared that they have spent approximately $84,000 dollars over the last six years buying coaching packages, going on professional retreats in luxe locations, attending numerous workshops…and the beat goes on. With a shake of their head, this lovely human shared with remorse that they felt honored to be “accepted” as one of the “lucky few” in an exclusive workshop/retreat. Then shared their shock and humiliation when another friend was “somehow” also accepted into the same program. A coincidence? Hardly. Can you spell pyramid? Can you smell scam? I felt outrage for my colleague friend, furious that they were taken advantage of in this way.

While learning, mentorship, and community is incredibly valuable, sadly there are folks who will happily take your money and sell you their expensive workshop, retreat or coaching package. At some point, you must leave the classroom and build something. Please hear my heart: you cannot spend your entire professional life sitting in the audience, or one more freaking Zoom workshop, waiting to feel fully confident before taking up space.

Sometimes “one more training” is anxiety wearing a boring old blazer. Puh-leez! As if! Who wants to wear that? Bring on the sequins, faux fur, and fun accessories!

There are wonderful, creative, intelligent, experienced professionals who stay attached to groups, teams, mentors they have outgrown, or professional identities that no longer fit because creating something original feels vulnerable.

It feels this way because it is this way.
Honoring your own voice, vision, business, or body of work means risking visibility, criticism, uncertainty, and comparison. And believe me friend, the critics will always be chirping away while they stay in their safe cages. But vulnerability is not weakness — it is often the birthplace of creativity, courage, authenticity, and meaningful leadership.

Some people build businesses through depth and relationships rather than constant visibility. Some grow slowly and sustainably. Some build highly specialized practices. Some intentionally stay small. Some prioritize balance, family, creativity, health, spirituality, rest, or joy over aggressive expansion and “crushing it” every five minutes.

Here is a secret that is not so secret: There is no single “correct” way to build a meaningful business. But there is a difference between intentional learning and hiding.

At some point, your dream deserves a room of its own.

You Are Allowed to Have Limits
One of the healthiest things a new business owner can learn is that you do not have to do it all. You are not required to:

Specialize in every issue
Serve every population
Answer messages 24/7
Become an expert in everything
Rescue clients from every discomfort
Overextend yourself to prove your value
Emotionally support clients while simultaneously being their marketer, best friend, emergency contact, spiritual guru, and unpaid tech support

Healthy businesses include healthy expectations. Part of professionalism is clearly communicating:

What you do
What you do not do
How clients can access you
What your role is
What realistic outcomes look like
What responsibility belongs to the client

Boundaries are not barriers to success. They are part of sustainable success. As you grow and your star rises, you must have boundaries in place. There will always be the person who pushes boundaries, who feels entitled to take up your time during a live workshop or virtual event with their never ending questions and comments. The one who monopolizes your social media groups. The one who expects favors or endless attention. These folks will drain you dry without boundaries in place. You may feel as if you must be friends with everyone…but that is not what a wise business person does. When you are accessible to everyone, you are setting yourself up for some major people pleasing and emotional exhaustion.

Honey, in time you will run yourself ragged!

And, while we are on the topic of time and boundary management, please respect your colleague’s and loved one’s time. As a new business owner, it is easy to get lost in myriad day-to-day responsibilities and lose track of time while friendships and relationships suffer. Your time is no more important than anyone else’s time, and neither is mine. And guess what…everyone is busy these days and on a schedule, so figure it out buttercup. Be on time. Put the phone down. Engage.

Investing and maintaining your personal relationships is essential. Don’t postpone that family vacation, don’t keep a friend waiting at the café while you finish one more task, don’t ignore a text or call. Accept the dinner invitation, go see the movie with your significant other, cuddle your sweet pet, plan that date night, be the one to reach out first to make the plan.

It is easy to go down the endless rabbit hole of tasks, and believe me, I understand. Don’t forget that within your closest circle you have people with incredible insight, experience, wisdom and support. These are your biggest cheerleaders and sometimes your wisest voices. Be open to their feedback when appropriate.

Be Open to Feedback — But Be Thoughtful About Who You Hand the Microphone To

Part of growth in business is learning how to receive feedback without immediately collapsing, becoming defensive, assuming the worst about the person sharing, or spiraling into self-doubt. Constructive feedback can absolutely help you grow. Learn to be responsive vs. reactive. It may be a close professional friend who sees a blind spot. Or a trusted colleague who helps refine an idea. A client with a well meaning reflection. Sometimes a mentor lovingly tells you the truth you needed to hear. Or a loved one may have more experience that you can draw from.

At the same time, not all feedback deserves equal emotional weight. New business owners often make the mistake of treating every opinion as equally valuable. It is not.

Ask yourself:

Is this person someone who genuinely knows me?
Are they someone who has or has had a successful long-term business?
Do they have balance in their personal and professional life?
Have they supported or encouraged me?
Do they celebrate my wins?
Have they ever attended something I have created?
Do they share about my services or products on their pages?
Have they or do they refer to me?
Do they endorse me, and have encouraged others to do so?
Do they offer thoughtful feedback with honesty, care and integrity?
Or do they mostly sit quietly on the sidelines watching, critiquing, withholding, comparing, or projecting?

As I often say: Beware of the Negative Nellies, Fearful Freds, Envious Irmas, and Silent Suzy’s. And, here is the hard truth: Not everyone giving advice has built what you are trying to build. Not everyone criticizing you is emotionally healthy. Not everyone withholding support is neutral. Silence is sometimes the loudest voice of all.

Sadly some people are deeply uncomfortable watching others take risks, become visible, succeed, evolve, or outgrow old roles. And sometimes the loudest criticism comes from people who never had the courage to try themselves.

Healthy feedback usually sounds thoughtful, collaborative, respectful, and grounded. Chronic negativity often sounds cynical, dismissive, passive-aggressive, fearful, or perpetually critical.

Protect your creativity enough that it can breathe. And remember, not every voice deserves front-row access to your nervous system, your confidence, or your vision. Surround yourself with people who can both lovingly challenge you
and genuinely cheer for you.

Both matter.

Never Build Your Business on Copying or Plagiarizing

Insecurity can sometimes push people toward imitation. Some people become so afraid of not being “good enough” that they slowly stop creating from their own voice altogether. They may copy another person’s website, reuse another professional’s language, copy a design, take a chunk of writing, duplicate course materials, mirror someone else’s branding, concepts, workshops, or ideas without acknowledgment.

At the same time, there is nuance in professional spaces. Not everything is direct plagiarism, and not every similar idea is unethical. We all influence one another to some degree, especially within specialized fields.

But there are also moments when something feels uncomfortably close — close enough that you recognize your labor, your structure, your concepts, or your creative fingerprint inside someone else’s work. Even when it is not a direct copy, it can still feel disorienting, or painful when you spent years developing something with care.

A “fair market” absolutely means there is room for multiple voices, approaches, workshops, and styles. But healthy competition still leaves room for originality, acknowledgment, differentiation, and respect for the creative and intellectual labor of others.

The goal is not ownership over every idea in a profession. The goal is integrity.

Ethical professionals take inspiration and then build something through their own lens, experience, creativity, voice, and evolution. They do not simply stay close enough to another person’s work that it becomes difficult to tell where inspiration ended and imitation began.

And honestly, very little feels worse than pouring your heart, energy, education, creativity, time, and nervous system into building something original and meaningful…only to watch someone else casually replicate aspects of it without acknowledgment, respect, or gratitude.

Being inspired by others is human. Learning from mentors is healthy. Admiring someone’s work is normal. But there is a profound difference between inspiration and appropriation. Healthy professionals cite, acknowledge, collaborate, and create from authenticity. They do not quietly harvest other people’s ideas while presenting it as entirely their own.

And this is part of why developing your own authentic voice matters so deeply. Over time, people may echo aspects of your work, your style, your offerings, or your aesthetic — but they cannot replicate your lived experience, your integrity, your creativity, your humanity, or the unique way you think, create, and make people feel.

True confidence and long-term success are not built through imitation or quietly standing in someone else’s shadow. They are built through originality, integrity, creativity, lived experience, and the courage to develop your own voice over time.

Oh, and for those of you who know me (and those who are getting to know me): please protect your intellectual property.

Honor the People Who Helped You Along the Way

No one builds a meaningful business entirely alone. Most of us can name people who:

Encouraged us when we doubted ourselves
Shared opportunities
Answered questions generously
Referred clients
shared resources
Mentored us
Opened doors for us
Modeled integrity
Taught us skills we still use today
Shared, liked, followed, purchased, attended

Are you honoring and elevating those folks who have shown up for you? If not, why not? The silence of some folks is so puzzling to me. Here are two past experiences that illustrate this:

Many years ago I supported a friend from a place of loving kindness. They admired my style and I enjoyed encouraging my friend, helping them find their style, sharing ideas, products, designers, and so forth. I adored helping my pal build confidence in how they presented themself. Over time, my friend began dressing similarly to me. Same aesthetic, same overall vibe, same approach to fashion, sometimes the exact same outfit.

And honestly? The issue was never that my friend was inspired by me. Inspiration is human. We all influence one another. What hurt was the complete lack of acknowledgment. No warmth around it. No “you really helped me find my style.” No appreciation. Just quiet observation and imitation paired with silence.

And that dynamic exists in professional spaces too.

An example I have never forgotten was years ago when I suggested a unique book title to a colleague friend and fellow writer who was struggling to name their first book. They loved my idea! Their publisher loved my idea too!

A few months later at the book launch, someone asked how my friend had come up with the title. Without hesitation, my friend smiled and said, “Oh, I just thought of it one day and it made perfect sense, so I went with it.” Another colleague standing nearby turned to me and said, “You must be so proud of (name), Mari.”

Caught off guard, I quietly responded, “Yes, the book is wonderful and I really enjoyed it.” My author friend then laughed nervously and added, “I guess I need to put Mari on the payroll as my marketing manager, ha ha ha.”

An awkward silence followed with people around us taken aback and confused. The comment landed as dismissive and diminishing, as though years of friendship, encouragement, and generosity could be reduced to a joke about compensation In reality, my friend felt ashamed of her lack of giving me credit. They thought that making a joke at my expense would somehow elevate them.

As I walked away, my (now former) friend gave me a sheepish smile and guilty shrug. I remember feeling my face flush — not because I needed public credit or applause, not because her “joke’ embarrassed me, but because something inside of me quietly shifted in that moment. I saw a part that I could never unsee.

It was never about the book title. It was about integrity. About generosity. About acknowledging the people who help shape us along the way. I felt saddened by the subtle attempt at diminishing me, and deeply disappointed in someone I thought I knew well. My respect for them faded that day. And eventually, so did my trust.

Healthy, grounded people can say:
“You inspired me.”
“I learned from you.”
“Your work helped shape my thinking.”
“I appreciate what you contributed.”

Secure people enjoy acknowledging others. Insecure people often minimize. Over time, you begin realizing that integrity is not just about whether someone technically copied something word-for-word. It is also about humility, acknowledgment, gratitude, authenticity, and character.

Do not underestimate the power of gratitude and acknowledgment. Healthy professionals recognize that success is rarely built in isolation.

Here are my compassionate tips when your star starts to rise:

Thank people publicly when appropriate
Refer business to others
Buy and/or share your friends and colleague’s book (or at least provide an endorsement)
Attend their workshops and retreats (or at least share about their events on social media)
Encourage newer professionals
Support colleagues joyfully rather than competitively

There is room for collaboration without scarcity. Let me repeat that again: there is room for collaboration without scarcity.

In a world increasingly driven by algorithms, branding, comparison, and performance, genuine generosity and integrity still matter deeply. And honestly? People remember how you treated them long after they forget your color palette, funnel strategy, authority positioning, launch strategy, or “six-figure blueprint.”

Mari_Lee_Therapist — Mari A. Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, MBATT-S
Therapist, coach, author, speaker, encourager, hiker, dreamweaver, mermaid, cat lady, ride or die friend, dance under the full moon at midnight kind of professional.

Final Thoughts

This spinning globe we all live on does not need another copy of someone else. Gawd dang, we seriously do not! Can I please get an “Amen!” in the comments below?

We need people willing to bring their authentic, wild, weird, beautiful voice, creativity, wisdom, compassion, structure, intelligence, humor, humanity, and lived experience into the work they do.

Please do not lose yourself in fear, comparison, or endless planning. Trust the small beginnings. And perhaps most importantly: Do not minimize your own needs, your own voice and vision, or your own gifts while building something meant to help others reclaim theirs.

If no one has told you for a while (or ever) here is your reminder: You already have exactly what you need to bring your creative dream to life, to launch your business, and to support your vision. I believe in your magic!

With kindness and support,
Mari

The Counselor's Coach

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